Are you exhausted by your relationship?

By: Linden Porter

So often couples end up in crisis as they have exhausted themselves going over and over the symptoms of their unique issues rather than learning and understanding the deeper causes of their problems.

They continue to use the same behaviours and methods of communication which got them into the crisis in the first place, with the result that nothing changes.

Having tired themselves out they look for the reason they’re exhausted and decide the relationship is wrong and cannot be fixed.  After all, they’ve “Tried EVERYTHING“.

Time and again I am told by individuals “I’ve done everything to make my marriage work and nothing makes any difference”

My answer to this is “You’ve tried everything EXCEPT what works”.  This can be tough to take on board.  Naturally, people will feel resistant at this stage.  They are too tired to do anything more.

Being unhappy and continually arguing, being misunderstood and not appreciated in the way you need is incredibly tiring and stressful.  From this place you are unlikely to understand or discover the real causes of your problems.  You have no more energy and it can feel that the only option left is to retreat or close down.

Protection Mode

Now you are protecting yourselves from further hurt and distress.  But by protecting yourself and blocking further hurt you also block out love and connection.  It is impossible to connect with someone who you are protecting yourself from.  You are now living a distorted version of who you truly are and who you want to be.  You are creating a version of yourself which will not only hurt your partner but also hurt you.

The route out

Your issues can only be solved when you find your true self again.  So Step One is to reconnect with the real you.  Once step one has been achieved you can move on to Step Two which is reconnection with your partner.  The causes rather than the symptoms become clearer and clarity opens you up to new solutions and behaviours.

By learning and understanding how you each function and what you each need from your relationship you will then know how to move into a closer, deeper understanding of each other and passion can be reignited

Couples who come to my sessions learn how to do this.

Source: https://lindenporter.co.uk/are-you-exhausted-by-your-relationship/

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