Clinging to negative events might stop a positive future

By: Linden Porter

Consider the title of this post.  Are you clinging to a negative event in your past?  If so what effect is it having on your future?

People make mistakes

In fact, it is said we learn the most when we fail, get it wrong or make a mistake.

People also make mistakes in their interpretation of others’ mistakes.  However, they cling to their interpretation and make it their truth. In a way it can keep themselves “safe”.  This safety is a protection mechanism.

It allows you to blame your partner and make them wrong and you right.

At some level, it’s quite ‘safe’ to know we are ‘right’.

From this illusion of safety and ‘being right’ you can criticize, demand, complain and, crucially,  avoid taking responsibility for your part and also your own emotions.

It can also close you down emotionally.  You can become detached.  You now stop yourself having a positive future.  A future free to enjoy your partner in the ways you did in the past.  Whether that be their company, the fun things you used to do together, to making love – which may now feel unfulfilling or disconnected.

Now the problem has been exacerbated and is living with you day-on-day.  Even though the original mistake might have happened months or even years ago.

You have killed your positive future. One which can give you a deeper understanding of your partner and a closeness you didn’t even have before.

To avoid this hole you may have dug yourself you need to re-assess.

This is one of the tools I teach my clients:

Emotional Mastery

What do I mean by Emotional Mastery?  The ability to acknowledge your own emotions and then to replace the negative feelings with new ones.  Ones which are more positive and freeing.

Your partner may have apologised countless times for their failure, behaviour or mistake.  If you steadfastly cling to what they did wrong (in the past) you cannot free yourself into a new future.

By achieving emotional mastery you can.

To achieve emotional mastery takes practice and, in most cases, guidance.  It can feel uncertain and even scary to go this route.  But the benefits are massive.

Source: https://lindenporter.co.uk/clinging-to-negative-events-might-stop-a-positive-future/

The article is owned by Linden Porter. Visit site here for other interesting topics about marriage, love and relationship.

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