Couples can easily get lost in their relationship. If you do not feel valued within it then you will feel disconnected from it. We all need to feel connected. When you feel your relationship is not working you will look to meet that connection elsewhere. This is what happened to this couple. In their case in the form of an affair.
Affairs rarely solve the issues. However by learning why the affair happened this couple turned their relationship around and learned how not only to reconnect but to make that connection closer than it had ever been.
These are her words:
After a recent breakdown in our 30-year relationship, I was desperate for help. My partner had had an affair after a year of me neglecting his needs and I was wondering if I actually wanted to continue a relationship where I felt that I did not matter. Unfortunately, when I decided that I wanted to make our relationship work, as we had so much to lose, I was crushed to find out my partner had been having an affair and had completely checked out of our relationship.
I desperately wanted to find help and looked for a coach rather than a traditional relationship counsellor (as we had tried that many years before) and I came across Linden. Even from the first call I felt that she understood what we needed and was able to help. Unfortunately at this stage my partner felt that nothing was going to help but he would attend as he thought it may help me to move on.
Our first session was difficult, and outlining our situation was upsetting but from then on I felt that the focus was learning to both take responsibility for what had happened and looking forward. The things Linden has taught us are simple, but just get forgotten throughout the complications of everyday life. We have realised that we are the most important people in our relationship and finding time every day to ‘check-in’ is key. We have learned to talk and more importantly to listen to each other. I have learned coping mechanisms to deal with any insecurities that arise, and my partner has learned how to react to them in a positive way.
We had 10 sessions with Linden and every one valuable working through issues as they arose and learning how to react differently.
I can honestly say we are the happiest we have been in years and feel so differently about each other. We now chat about long term plans which is something we have never really done before…..
Linden is a wonderfully positive person who has taught us to re-focus and remember what is important. I feel I am a better person with a more positive outlook. Our children have benefitted as we are now truly together.
From my first call 6 months ago to now our life has changed so much, everything has finally come together J
Thank you Linden x
An affair does not have to signal the end. In their case, they worked through their issues with me and with the tools they learnt they have now reconnected at a much deeper level.
They took that initial step, which does take courage, and gave themselves something they initially didn’t believe was possible. As a result, they can now plan a great future together secure in the knowledge they have the tools to ensure that their connection remains strong. I wish them all the best.
If you would like to learn how to do this for yourselves then please get in contact.
Source: http://lindenporter.co.uk/from-disconnection-to-reconnection/
The article is owned by Linden Porter. Visit site here for other interesting topics about marriage, love and relationship.
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