Once again, you’re psychic.
I have a new next door neighbor whom I like a lot. She and her husband are very nice, and she is a feisty little spitfire. I wanted to be as helpful as possible when they bought the house , but they’ve been remodeling it for more than a year now and I’m tired of doing them favors.
After a year of paying apartment rent and a new mortgage payment, it’s catching up with them and now they are eager to finish the remodel so they can move in.
Meanwhile, I’ve been like a property manager–getting their mail, taking their trash out, even mowing their lawn. I also let them use my electricity and water, which I thought was a temporary favor, but after a year I realize I had people-pleased my ass off.
The tipping point has been her being around more now, and increasingly asking for my help– painting walls, mopping, hauling tools and gear from one spot to the next, etc. Then she wants to borrow every household item I own. She borrowed my brand new broom and I had to ask her to return it, and it was covered with wall paint she’d negligently sprayed on it.
She’s always asking for chilled bottled water, sodas etc.
Night before last, she texted me around 10 p.m. and wanted me to go to my pitch-black back yard to look over the fence to check to see that their tile saw was still out there.
I sort of snapped and said, “I don’t go out there to check on my own stuff this late at night, so I am not going to interrupt what I am doing online to go outside and check on anything.”
She didn’t catch the hint that I was busy, so I had to shift to a higher gear. “Look, I’m not going out there. I’m too old to be taking down bad guys, and I’m not taking a bullet to save your fecking saw. And I’m busy, like I said.”
Then she said she’d needed my help earlier moving the saw,” and that she “saw my car in my driveway.” She actually implied that I was somehow negligent not to anticipate her needing my help with moving heavy equipment.
I don’t entirely blame her. I was too eager to people please, and she took full advantage of it.
Weeks ago I had told her no more using my bathroom and not to over-text me, so she knows I have boundaries but she likes to test them.
I fussed and stewed almost all night, even having imaginary conversations with her.
After the exchange the other night, the next morning I texted her to say I’d be busy for the next few days, so no texting or phone calls or drop bys.
I had to buy some time so I could figure out what to say next time we talk.
Thanks to boundaries, I plan to tell her I need to focus on my own life more and that I want her to become more self reliant, because she is half my age, I’m tired, and I have my own stuff to do.
Luckily, she has a sense of humor so I will accuse her of elder abuse, tell her to eff off and we’ll get back to normal.
But I am not doing any more grunt work, she needs to have their water turned on, and henceforth, her house is her job, not mine. People pleasing sucks when it goes too far!
😀
Source: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/podcast-ep-100-are-you-over-your-bandwidth-you-are-not-the-energiser-bunny/
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