Hi Natalie!
First of all, thank you for your blog, I started reading back in 2011 when I was going through a horrible breakup with somebody worse than an EU or AC, and you and the readers’community have helped me enourmously. So, thanks, from the bottom of my heart!
I’ve come a very long way: I am happier than ever, working my dream job, and finally emotionally availlable. I’m doing counseling. I have friends, and acquaintances, and I am working on my boundaries and on being open (but not letting everybody in).
I’ve also realised what I did wrong in past relationships, especially one where I was basically running away from him and from myself the whole time, out of dread (a state my very AC ex put me in). But I don’t blame myself for it: I was going through rough times, and I forgive myself. I also reconnected with this person and we are on good terms, we care for each other, so that’s good.
I’m going on dates atm. I am ready for a relationship, and I want to live life, and not imagine it, and run away.
After a few not so good dates, last week I met a guy I liked. We have been on 3 dates so far: the positive things are that he is direct, and that I feel like I can be myself with him; that he is respectful, asks for my opinion, doesn’t push, but still shows interest, and seems to be willing to go a bit out of his comfort zone (he’s a engineer, haha, you can imagine! I’m an engineer too, but I’ve chosen a creative career, and I can ‘suspend my disbelief’ much better than him 🙂 ). He writes, and always answers my msgs quickly and nicely.
I would like to get to know him better! Now, for the negative things, or things that worry me a bit.
Our last date lasted 6 hours: we went to the beach, we chatted, we played tennis, then he suggested we go have dinner, which we did, and he payed even though I ‘made the move’ to pay myself (he has a better job than mine, though, so it might have been him being nice), and drove me home. We only kissed while in the car, in front of my door, which felt too little, to late: but it originated from my behaviour, too. I was feeling very self-conscious the whole day, quite nervous, and I am very bad at ‘asking for things’ explicitely, something I am working on. So I was keeping a distance, physically.
I think that’s OK, but I also think it might come off as cold, or insinceere. Because I do want to touch him, hug him, hold his hand, and I know that he might feel something insincere without realising what it is. I think, if we meet again, that I need to open up a bit and say something about it.
Anyhow: another thing is that he asked whether I was busy, to which I said not really, then he said he is busy this week. When we parted I asked him wehther he wanted to meet again, because the other times he had been the one asking (and I had responded half-jokingly, instead of sincerely saying ‘Yes! I’ve had a very good time!”, which is something I do when I want to hide my real feelings). He said yes, he wanted to meet again, and that he would write, but didn’t mention a day, like we did after date 1 and 2.
During the past week we wrote to each other every day, nothing ‘big’, a couple nice msgs. Yesterday he wrote, answering to a MMS I had actually sent last week but for some reason only arrived to him yesterday. I told him that was the case, because I felt disappointed that he wasn’t ‘writing firts’, but just answering me. Today, he hasn’t written yet. I am afraid that he’s ‘busy’ because he’s meeting other women, which would be fine, should be fine (we haven’t discussed this, and he doesn’t owe me anything! Nor I him). But my insecurity is boiling.
I would write, like I did last week, something little and nice, but I’m also thinking that I should let him/have him be the one who makes the move, to let go of wanting to control the situation, and navigate the insecurity, and if he ‘ghosts’ me, then good riddance. Like you, Natalie, have said over and over, online dating (that’s how we’ve met) is not for the faint of heart.
Yet in the past I’ve also been the EU one, and while inside me there is all of this turmoil, from the outside it might look like I’m playing the game – I am an attractive young woman, opinionated and strong, and a feminist, which I mentioned to him: but from how I behave in dating, it’s like I’m somebody else. Also, my worse-than-AC ex was controlling and in fact did control the narrative while we were dating, and I made myself small, tiny for him, and I don’t like it. I wanna be bold and occupy space!
What do you think? Sorry for the messy and super long comment!!
Source: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-tell-someone-youre-not-interested-without-ghosting/
The article is owned by NATALIE. Visit site here for other interesting topics about marriage, love and relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment